cover design © 2004 Ardy M. Scott.
Chapter Excerpt
To order this book:
Format: Trade Paperback
Format: ePub, PDF, HTML, Kindle/Mobi
Payment Method
PayPal -or- credit card -or- Apple iBookstore; BN.com; Kindle; Kobo Books; OmniLit
List Price: $4.95 USD ebook
Available at
Amazon; Bamm.com; Barnes & Noble; Borders; other Bookstores
List Price: $15.50 USD
Life on Santa Claus Lane
hilarious account of life on a tree farm
Darrell Bain
It took a lot of real hard thought before I decided to make a book out of these stories I have been writing for our family and for our friends, both live and on the Internet. The narratives describe a lot of odd, funny and occasionally downright hilarious things which have happened to Betty and I since we started a Christmas tree farm. One of the funniest was when the Postal Service notified us that the private road we and some of our kids live on was now officially named Santa Claus Lane. Our daughter-in-law Linda failed to see the humor of it and switched to a Post Office Box number.
"I'll be derned if I'm going to be laughed at every time someone asks for our address," she declared, as if every one of the 1,812 inhabitants of our little village didn't already know where she lived.
Linda isn't the person I'm concerned about though. My wife Betty has never seen some of these stories and I'm sort of careless about going off and leaving the computer screen lit with whatever I happen to be working on at the time. She's bound to catch one here and there as I put them together that sort of...well, read for yourself. I really don't think she would object to most of these little tales but you never really know, do you?
"No you don't," My wife said from behind my back.
Ulp. "What are you doing here?" I asked. Betty was standing behind my chair, reading over my shoulder. I don't know how she got there so suddenly but women can be sneakier than cats when you don't want them to be.
"I live here, remember?"
"Of course I remember," I said. "In fact, I can remember the first night when we moved into this place. We christened the sofa because the bed wasn't put together yet."
That was the wrong thing to say. "You're not going to write about our sex life are you?"
I grinned to myself, remembering a funny episode. "There's nothing wrong with our sex life," I said.
"There will be if you start writing about it," Betty responded. "Besides, it wasn't a sofa; it was a lounge chair out in the garage. Our furniture hadn't even gotten here yet. And the mosquitoes were terrible."
"I don't remember any mosquitoes."
"That's because you were drunk and they wouldn't bite you."
That's a canard. I hadn't had more than a dozen or two beers the entire day and all of them were well deserved. After all, we were taking a momentous step then, moving from a townhouse in the city to a farmhouse in the country.
"Can I write about us moving out here?" I asked.
"You can write about anything so long as it's truthful and it's not about sex," my wonderful wife informed me. So right then I made a vow: I will not write about our sex life. And I will at all times be truthful. I wrote both vows down right then and looked over my shoulder at my spouse. She raised a cynical eyebrow, tousled my thinning hair and walked over and sat down at the sewing machine, crossing her shapely legs. I shifted my gaze before I got carried away and started writing about our sex life.
The sewing machine, computer, my desk and a million or so books all live in peace and harmony in the garage we converted into an office. In fact, I'll bet Betty doesn't remember, but her sewing machine is sitting in the exact same spot where the sofa--or lounge chair, maybe--sat, lo these many years ago on a certain memorable night. But I promised not to write about that.
We have lived, Betty and I, on this East Texas farm for over twenty years now, along with a succession of various sized dogs and an interminable and ever-changing number of cats, kittens and chickens. We had cows at first but I found out pretty quick that I wasn't a real cowboy. We sold the cows and began growing Christmas trees. There isn't much money in them but at least they don't break through fences and eat the neighbor's garden or get out in the road. Besides, for most of those twenty plus years Betty worked full time away from the farm, and resented having to herd unruly cows back through the gate in her business suit and high heels every few days as she arrived home from Houston, while I hollered instructions from the safety of the pickup truck. I'm scared of cows.
Part One: The Early Years
The crooked-shooting, pistol-packing, unhandy man and
his hoe-armed, chicken-raising, snake-battling wife
Betty and I were in our forties when we married. We were working at a hospital when we met, or rather when I first spotted her nursing a patient that I was getting ready to draw blood from. Right then I knew I had to meet her, and it being the season, I set a mistletoe trap at the entrance to my laboratory. She fell right into the trap. Or perhaps she knew it was there all the time and I was the one who got trapped. Whatever, we wound up kissing for the first time under the mistletoe and were married a year after our first date. We have lived happily ever after. Even moving to the country three years later didn't spoil things. That's really when the fun began. And perhaps that mistletoe meeting was a harbinger of our future on a Christmas tree farm.
"Heck, I can do that," he said. As you might guess, he is very successful.
We, on the other hand, read an article in the Houston Chronicle about Christmas tree farming in Texas, an industry just getting off the ground back then. Our planning consisted of, "Let's go order some seedlings and grow Christmas trees and get rich!"
Without a lick of planning, only a hazy idea of what we were doing and with more energy than sense, we planted a few thousand seedlings to go with our cows and began our new life. Christmas tree seedlings take a while to grow, so in the meantime, we began adjusting to our new life in the country, and to our new home. And that's when we began to get an inkling that strange and funny things happen on Santa Claus Lane. When the aliens land, I figure they will come down right smack in the middle of our driveway.
There's a Varmint in the House!
In the city, about the only animal one runs across is an occasional dog or cat. Ah, but the countryside is different. Very different, as we learned. Especially on Santa Claus Lane. There are varmints everywhere here--in the most unlikely places.
We had no problems with our house for the first 365 days we lived in it. Not a one. Now for anyone who doesn't suspect where this story is going, 365 days equals one year, which is how long the warranty on our house lasted.
On the 366th day, Betty began complaining to me. "Honey, we have a leak in the kitchen."
Fortunately, although not very much mechanically inclined or talented, I knew what to do about a leak. "Call the plumber," I said.
"You're the man, you call the plumber," Betty answered.
(Betty grew up in the old school as you can tell from that remark).
I called. The plumber promised to come out the next day.
Next day. No plumber.
I called. The plumber promised to come out the next day.
Next day. No plumber.
I called.........repeat several more times.
"I want that leak fixed!" Betty told me in no uncertain terms one night in the bedroom. Orders from bedrooms are serious business. It doesn't take a man long to get a message put in that particular way.
Lacking a plumber, I decided to tackle the job myself. After all, somewhere in my library of a couple of thousand books there must be something about fixing a simple leak under a kitchen sink. But first I decided to locate it.
I crawled under the kitchen sink, no mean feat in a space cramped with drain pipes, coils of copper tubing, wooden bracings and odds and ends and bottle and jars and cans of things Betty keeps in that space, most of which I didn't recognize except for a jar of vinegar that I promptly tipped over and broke, thereby delaying the job for several more days until the fumes abated. (Men, take note: keep a convenient jar of vinegar anywhere you don't want to have to work, especially during football season).
The vinegar only postponed the job that once since Betty didn't replace it, a smart move on her part. Eventually I had to crawl under the sink again--and by this time I could sympathize with Betty's concern. My knees and hands got wet. I did discover where the leak was coming from, though: behind the wall.
"The leak is coming from behind the wall," I announced as I backed out.
"What are you going to do?"
"Tear the wall out," I said, gathering up a hammer, saw, crowbar and other implements inherited from my father, which I had never used, mainly because I always placed them in the category of things which might cause work, and secondly because I didn't have a clue as how to operate them.
"Maybe you should call the plumber again," Betty said, knowing my limitations.
"Plumbers don't exist. They're only a figment."
"They're listed in the phone book."
"The phone book lies. All the plumbers in Texas have migrated to California where they have unions."
"What do unions have to do with it?"
"How should I know? I'm not a plumber."
"Then why are you going to fix that leak?" My wife asked.
Maybe some men would have answered that, but not me. I crawled back under the sink and proceeded to wipe out the wall as if fixing the leak had been all my idea in the first place. Actually, tearing up the wall was sort of interesting and kind of fun. There was a layer of linoleum, then some sort of plywoody stuff, then a bunch of pink panther insulation stuff, then a mice nest, some stray nails the carpenter had left in the wall, a few two by fours going this way and that, and everything under the sink was intertwined with copper pipes and PVC pipes and electrical lines and finally a heavy, immovable support beam which appeared large and solid enough to hold up the Leaning Tower of Pisa. And naturally, the leak was coming from somewhere behind that beam. I backed out, or rather tried to. I couldn't move. I had torn out so much of the wall and piled the debris behind me, blocking my exit.
"Help!" I shouted.
Several more shouts brought Betty, sloshing through a small river of water Then she started shouting. "What have you done to my cabinet! What did you do to the wall! Why are you tearing our house down?" This while shoveling away debris so I could back out of the cabinet.
"I'm fixing that leak, just like you asked me to, remember?" I said, as soon as I could stand up.
"No I don't. What I remember is asking you to call a plumber!"
"I did call a plumber," I said virtuously. "In fact I called several of them."
"Well, where are they?"
"They have gone to wherever plumbers go when they say they are going to come out the next day; that is, if in fact plumbers really exist. I'm beginning to have reason to doubt it lately."
"Well, all right. Did you fix the leak?'
"No," I admitted. "I can't get to it from this side. I'll have to go through the brick wall from outside."
Betty looked at my simple tools. She grinned. "Ha! You can't go through a brick wall with that little hammer and saw and crowbar. You better try calling the plumbers again."
I had given up on the plumbers but since I had to go to the building supply store anyway to buy sixteen tons of materials to replace the wall inside the cabinet I had torn out, I picked up a handy dandy brand new sledge hammer while I was at it.
As soon as Betty felt the house shaking from me pounding a hole through the bricks from outside, she screamed and ran for the phone. Amazingly, a few hours later a real, live plumber showed up. I have since concluded that they will only and always show up when a woman calls, assuming women know nothing of plumbing like me and other men do, and figuring they can rip unsuspecting women off easily.
Not me. I proved that easily. The plumber worked a toothpick around in his mouth, shook his head at the pile of bricks displaced by the new hole in the house, running through the bricks into the cabinet where the leak was. We went inside and he shook his head again when he saw the pile of stuff I had ripped out looking for that stupid little leak. He pulled a little gadget out of his pocket, knelt and reached in under the cabinet and two seconds later stood back up.
"It's fixed," he said.
"What was wrong?" I had to ask.
"Carpenter got careless with a nail when the house was being built. It was in the pipe, then worked loose. Here's my bill."
I paid the man $457.63 for his two seconds of work, glad he hadn't come when Betty was by herself or he would surely have overcharged her.
Well, the leak was fixed. I headed for my easy chair and a well-deserved rest. Fixing leaks is hard work.
Betty come over and stood in front of me. "What about that hole in our house?"
"I'll fix it after the football game," I told her. However, this was the height of the season and it seemed as if there was a football game on every day for the next two weeks.
The hole stayed open, but heck, I didn't see where it was hurting much of anything, especially since we could keep the cabinet door closed. However...
One day while I was busy watching football while laying on the couch with my eyes closed (this is something only men can do), I heard Betty shout.
"Honey, come quick!"
"How about at half-time?" I asked.
"How about now!" Betty said, in a voice I knew well. Something was dreadfully wrong. I got up and came to look.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Just look!" She said. Betty pulled open the cabinet door. She had moved some of the stuff back into it, in particular the garbage compost bucket. I bent over to look--and saw what she was talking about. Right there beside the bucket, some critter had gone potty.
"Uh oh." I said.
"Uh oh, my hind foot. You get that varmint out of there."
I looked closer. "I think it must be a rat that got in while the house building was going on."
"Well, if that's so, what has it been living on all this time?"
"Mice?"
"Mice! You get that thing out of here right now! And take its mice with it!"
"It's not that easy," I told her. I had had some experience along these lines, having had to exterminate mice in another house. But from the droppings I saw, this was obviously a rat, not a mouse. A big rat, too."
"I'll buy a rat trap pretty soon," I said.
"How about right this instant?"
"I would, but it's Sunday. Besides, what's more important, a little old rat or a football game?"
I guess I don't have to tell you what the response to that statement was, but I promised faithfully that I would go to town the next day and get a rat trap, and I did.
However, the next day also happened to be when we had invited a few couples over for dinner. Nevertheless, I baited the rat trap with a big piece of cheese and set it right by the compost bucket. And by the way, if any of you city folks are wondering what a compost bucket is, just imagine a home without a garbage disposal in the sink and without regular garbage pickup service--and a little woman who loves to feed her chickens all the kitchen scraps the dogs and cats don't like.
The dinner went well and afterward, we were sitting around talking when there came a loud Snap! from the kitchen. Everyone stopped talking for a moment. Neither Betty nor I said anything, not wanting to admit that we had a rat and possibly mice in our new home. However, after the Snap! came a series of Crash! Bang! Boing! Klunk! noises impossible to ignore. I knew that the rat had tripped the trap!
"What's that?" Someone asked.
"Uh, maybe branches falling on the roof?" I suggested. Who wants to admit they have rats in their kitchen?
"I didn't notice any trees by your house," that someone said with a grin, obviously seeing my discomfiture and not wanting to let me off the hook.
"Maybe the cat and dog are feuding," Betty said, a poor excuse since the cat was sitting in her lap at the moment and the dog was outside barking at the moon.
"It sounds like something is loose in the kitchen," one of the ladies said.
"Impossible," I said. "It's just a plain old kitchen."
"Let's go see," one of the other men said.
I hate curious people, especially dinner guests, but the idea took hold. Everyone got up and trooped into the kitchen, then we all stood around, with Betty and I holding our breath, hoping that by this time the rat was laying down dead in the trap. Our hopes were in vain. Another series of crashing, thumping noises came from beneath the sink.
"Something is loose in there!" One of the ladies said, backing up a bit.
"Sounds pretty big, too," the curious man said.
"It's just a rat in a trap," I said, finally deciding to confess and end the suspense.
"It's my husband's fault. I told him he needed to fix that hole in the wall." Betty has always been very supportive of me in front of other people.
"But it's football season!" I said.
The men nodded sympathetically. The women stared at me as if football and beer were my only occupation. Betty didn't say anything, maybe because at times it sort of approached the truth.
"Well, anyway, it sounds as if you caught it," one of the other men said.
Some more crashes and banging sounds came from the cabinet beneath the sink, not quite as loud as before. In fact, the noises sounded almost purposeful. Now I was curious. I stepped forward and gingerly pulled open the cabinet door.
I guess I'm a slow thinker. Everyone else not only cleared the kitchen but the house as well, while I stood there stupefied, watching a small black animal with a white stripe down its back struggling with its neck caught in my rat trap.
Now a rat trap is designed to break a rat's neck when it snaps on it, but perhaps little skunks have stronger vertebrae or something. Anyway, while I stood watching and trying to decide whether to run for my pistol, try to stick my foot in and stomp the skunk or just close the door and hope for the best, the little skunk went about determinedly figuring out how to get the trap off its neck--and finally it did. It placed both forepaws on the edge of the trap then very slowly, exerting all its strength, gradually raised its neck and began to slide it out from under the steel band of the trap.
That decided me. I hurriedly closed the cabinet door and simply hoped I had been hallucinating. I wasn't about to stand there and wait for the skunk to work itself loose then turn its attention on me!
About that time Betty crept cautiously back into the kitchen. "Is it dead?"
"No," I admitted. "In fact, I think it's loose from the trap."
"You mean I have a skunk loose in my kitchen cabinets? No more football for you, mister. Get that skunk out of my house!"
"But---"
"Now!"
"How?"
"You let him in, you get him out."
"I know, I'll call a plumber," I said.
If I remember right, Betty decided at that point to go visit her mother for a couple of days, leaving me with the skunk in the house and asking me to call her when it was gone. I went and turned on a football game so I could think the situation over. I thought and thought and finally something occurred to me: the skunk hadn't smelled like a skunk, not even a little bit. Obviously, it wasn't grown up enough to operate that infamous skunk defensive/offensive system which repels all enemies, foreign and domestic, and the Dallas Cowboys' coaches should take some lessons.
Now that I had young Mr. Skunk figured out, I got up and went and opened the kitchen cabinet again with a big hammer in my hand, no longer afraid of the consequences should I whap the skunk into submission with it. I peered inside. The skunk was gone and the trap was empty. I looked closer. The old piece of plywood I had stood up against the house to sort of cover the missing bricks and interior wall had been knocked over. The skunk obviously had decided that getting caught in a rat trap was no longer worth living in happy proximity to a compost bucket and a leaky pipe, even though judging from the potty piles it had subsisted on both for several days.
I blocked off the hole in the house temporarily then bought some cement mix and plugged it back up. For some reason it didn't match the rest of the exterior of the house, perhaps because I don't know much about brick laying. I bent a convenient Azalea bush over far enough to hide my work and went back to watching football. When Betty called I told her the skunk problem was cured and she could back home.
"How did you get rid of it?" was the first thing she asked.
"Easy," I said. "I just laid a trail of compost out to the chicken yard and it followed."
"You mean now I have a skunk in my chicken yard?"
"Just kidding," I said.
I don't think Betty believed me. From that day on, I not only had to carry the compost to the chicken yard, I became the designated egg-gatherer for evermore. Which shows that it is dangerous to kid around with your wife, no matter how much she loves you.
I know Betty loves me.
I'm still watching football, aren't I?
Life on Santa Claus Lane Copyright © 2000. Darrell Bain. All rights reserved by the author. Please do not copy without permission.
Author Bio
Darrell Bain is the author of more than three dozen books, in many genres, running the gamut from humor to mystery and science fiction to humorous non-fiction. For the last several years he has concentrated on humor and science fiction, both short fiction, and suspense thrillers. Darrell served thirteen years in the military as a medic and his two years in Vietnam formed the basis for his first published novel, Medics Wild. Darrell has been writing off and on all his life but really got serious about it only after the advent of computers. He purchased his first one in 1989 and has been writing furiously ever since.
While Darrell was working as a lab manager at a hospital in Texas, he met his wife Betty. He trapped her under a mistletoe sprig and they were married a year later. Darrell and Betty owned and operated a Christmas tree farm in East Texas for many years. It became the subject and backdrop for some of his humorous stories and books.
TTB titles:
Series
Author web site.
###
To order this book:
Format: Trade Paperback
Reviews
Life On Santa Claus Lane by Darrell Bain is Sensational. I’ve never laughed or smiled so much reviewing a story. Darrell’s true adventures will remind you of some of your fondest memories growing up or time shared with loved ones. If you’re looking to give the gift of laughter this holiday season, this is one book you can’t pass up.
Reviewed by Kim Genoa for Kim’s Reviews.
Absolutely delightful. The author has written about some of his and his wife Betty's misadventures, experiences and life in general at their Christmas Tree Farm in east Texas. And yes, they really do live on Santa Claus Lane according to the post office.
The author talks about going from living in the 'big city' to living in the country. He describes the differences in the ways of life and makes you laugh about them.
I have read a few humor books and have never laughed as much as I did with this one. Don't be fooled by thinking that this is just another guy trying to tell a funny story, this goes beyond that. The author definitely succeeds here. When you need a good laugh, chuckle or smile, grab this book, it will definitely provide one for you.
Reviewed by Tracy Eastgate for Under The Covers Reviews.
Darrell Bain has an excellent humor book called "Life On Santa Claus Lane" that is in the process of editing - I must warn people against it though, it can be embarrassing. I was editing it while in the waiting room at my
Chiropractor's Office and got to a particularly funny part, and everyone was
staring at me like I was insane! Apparently not only had I cracked up
audibly, but I had tears streaming down my face!
Reviewed by Sandy Cummins for Writers Exchange.
A collection of wild and zany stories from Darrell Bain as he
tries to outwit his wife, dog, cats and customers while pretending to run a
Christmas tree farm.
Life on Santa Claus Lane is a compilation of stories about the trials and tribulations of a Texas couple trying to make ends meet on their Christmas
tree farm. Why Christmas trees? Uh, because they're not as scary as cows or
tractors?
And what's so hard about making a Christmas wreath anyway? As long as one
has his trusty Swiss Army knife, it's a piece of cake, er, if one doesn't
mind donating a little of his own blood during the process. And Darrell's
Christmas gift of a sheepskin for his wife Betty, well it seemed like a
great idea at the time. But never fear! The resident pair of killer kittens
arrive on the scene just in time to rescue the household from the offending
wool.
This book also has tales of intrigue that go beyond the holiday season.
Witness the intense drama when Betty sends Darrell on a shopping errand
(again and again.) On the farm, danger lurks (as do certain odors), and it's
a good thing Darrell has had army training; the possum varmints don't stand
a chance! Their dachshund, Biscuit, has the eyesight of an owl which, as a
member of the Bain pack, gives him an unfair advantage. How, you ask? Let's
just say, he gets in a few good licks.
Included in this work is an international crime thriller. Will Darrell and
Betty's clever disguises enable them to escape the notorious justice system
of a foreign country? And an eerie tale reminiscent of Poe (or maybe it's a
tale of romance?) delves into the mystery: Where did that Viagra pill go,
anyway?
Life on Santa Claus Lane contains a lively cast of characters, the
two-footed as well the four-footed variety. Whether writing about chickens
or about how hard Betty works (as observed by Darrell as he tests out the
couch), Bain is keen on describing the wacky side of life. Life On Santa Claus Lane is sure to bring a grin to your face if not numerous all-out, eye-watering belly laughs! Just ask my husband, as he was near me while I was reading it. : )
Reviewed by Jeanne Allen for KnowBetter.com.
Warm, witty and delightful! Like sitting around the kitchen table swapping stories with family. Darrell Bain has all the makings of an old-time storyteller. Seeing the absolute twisted humor in everyday life on the farm. His wife, Betty, must be a saint! This follows Darrell Bain's first published book, "Tales From A Texas Christmas Tree Farm.
Few books have the ability to attach themselves so easily to your heart as those that tell of "real-life" views on the everyday. And when you add a touch of whimsy, a retired "mechanically challenged" husband and a computer, the result can be no less than a hilarious compilation of stories... A gracious host, Bain beckons us to come visit their Christmas Tree farm, on a real road called "Santa Claus Lane."
He walks us through short stories such as the simple errand of picking up single fold white bias tape along with a loaf of bread. (Seems simple enough, doesn't it?) With absolute certainty he leaves the house on his quest, repeating the mantra..."Bread and single fold white bias tape in the notions department. Bread and single hole white bias tape Bread in the lotion department. Bread and winged whole bright bias grapes in the potion department". ...well, you get the idea. He returns home sans bias tape and bread much to the disappointment of his dear wife Betty, who claims you should never send a man to do a woman's work. Bain is still trying to figure out that statement, as well as why the store didn't carry those darn "duct taped skates. "
Bain spends his days observing and writing about everything from furniture moving..."if it weren't for men, couches would never have been invented and then where would women be when they wanted to rearrange living room furniture, " to stories of the killer tiller and learning to wear sweat-suits.
And he shares them all with us in......stories sure to warm even the coldest heart. Many times, humor is the best medicine for the aches and pains that life can produce. My advice would be a large dose of Bain's book, a cup of coffee and a great footstool. A perfect winter read!!
Reviewed by Pamela Johnson for Word Museum.
Reading this novel is nothing less than sitting down with a tall cup of coffee and spending the afternoon listening to the escapades of family life in the Christmas tree farming business. So many things could (and did) go comically haywire that it would have been a crime if Darrell had passed up sharing his adventures with the creatures and inanimate objects (Tractor was a personal favorite) that have made his life interesting and challenging. This is my first read from his list of titles but I will be looking for more in the future. Darrell writes from the heart, reminiscent of the humor of Erma Bombeck and Theresa Bloomingdale, only from the male point of view.
Life on Santa Claus Lane is broken down into eras, the early years, the mid years and the later years. The stories show how the farm as well as Darrell and his wife, Betty, and their collection of creatures change with the passing years. I laughed, I cried (from laughing), I had to share Tractor with my husband who totally understood the head to head battles waged between Tractor and Darrell. He laughed . . . and laughed.
Life on Santa Claus Lane is a light collection of memorabilia that can and should be enjoyed more than once. This is the kind of book that every family should attempt to compile to hand down through the generations, sharing the memories of a life well spent and pleasing to those who lived it.
Reviewed By MargeAnna Conrad © May 2005 for Novelspot.
Back to Twilight Times Books main page
A special note to TTB readers. All contents of this web site are
copyright by the writers, artists or web site designer. If you discover any
artwork or writing published here elsewhere on the internet, or in print
magazines, please let us know immediately. The staff of Twilight Times Books
feels very strongly about protecting the copyrighted work of our authors and
artists.
Web site Copyright © 1999, 2000 - 2010. Lida Quillen. All rights reserved. Cover design © 2004 Ardy M. Scott.
All rights reserved. This page last updated 01-02-09.
Twilight Times Books logo design by Joni.
Alien Infection
Doggie Biscuit!
Hotline to Heaven
Life on Santa Claus Lane
Medics Wild
Shadow Worlds with Barbara M. Hodges
Space Trails
Strange Valley
Tales from a Christmas Tree Farm
The Melanin Apocalypse
Warp Point
Human By Choice with Travis 'Doc' Taylor. Book 1 Cresperian series.
The Y Factor with Stephanie Osborn. Book 2 Cresperian series
The Cresperian Alliance with Stephanie Osborn. Book 3 Cresperian series.
Format: ePub, PDF, HTML, Kindle/Mobi
Payment Method
PayPal -or- credit card -or- Apple iBookstore; BN.com; Kindle; Kobo Books; OmniLit
List Price: $4.95 USD ebook
Available at
Amazon; Bamm.com; Barnes & Noble; Borders; other Bookstores
List Price: $15.50 USD
From skunks to chickens to cats to cows to raccoons, oh, and a dog named Biscuit, all surrounded by the wonder of Christmas trees. It is a rare opportunity to enter the home of an author but Darrell Bain, author of at least two dozen books in various genres, opens the front door wide, inviting us to walk through his slice of life in east Texas.
